


the lowest rated club in all of tokyo

by oikawonton (xiubff)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Coffee Shops, Fluff, M/M, YouTuber Oikawa Tooru, does this count as a coffee shop au lmao, iwaizumi is a barista, matsuhana share a channel, you'll see!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24557266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiubff/pseuds/oikawonton
Summary: drunk youtuber oikawa writes "hot & single male looking 4 a good fuck. my name is oikawa, but you can call me tonite ;) xxx-xxx-xxxx" on the bathroom stall in the lowest rated club in tokyo.barista iwaizumi is simply a concerned/angry stranger.couple youtubers matsuhana are opening a cafe soon.things happen!
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	the lowest rated club in all of tokyo

[ thumbnail ] 15:03  
**DRUNK CLUB TEXTS**   
351,020 views ・ Jun 5, 2020

Oikawa Tooru ✓  
287K subscribers

Oikawa waves at the camera enthusiastically with a smile on his face.   
"Hi everyone and welcome back to my channel! Today's video is going to be a storytime, kind of, of what happened to my dumbass yesterday. Let's get right into it!"  
"So as you all know from my last unfortunate drunk mishap video, I'm a pretty big lightweight. Honestly, I don't usually drink, but listen-"

[ a clip of Oikawa skateboarding through a parking lot towards the camera, screaming "I'M GOING THROUGH A LOT RIGHT NOW!!" plays ]

"-and for some reason I thought it would be cool or something to like, search up the lowest rated club in all of Tokyo, and then go to the lowest rated club in all of Tokyo and get absolutely shitfaced in the lowest rated club in all of Tokyo."

Oikawa makes a solemn face as foreboding music plays and another video plays.

[ in the video, Oikawa is pointing at an equally drunk couple, making out on the dancefloor. He yells over the loud music, "WHAT THE FUCK,, IS THIS ALLOWED?" ]

As the screen fades back to present Oikawa, he has his hands clasped and head down. A sniffle quickly followed by giggling is heard before Oikawa lifts his head up to show tears in his eyes. 

"Guys…" He breaks out into laughter. 

After a few cuts and failed attempts at calming himself down, Oikawa finally takes a deep breath and continues. "As you can see, I seemed very content on recreating vines, which was probably super fun! Not that I can actually remember much of it, though…"

He stares off for a second before quickly staring back at the camera with a deeply confused look on his face "Wait, HOW DID I GET HOME?" 

"Okay, I really need to actually tell the story. We'll- we'll figure it out, I'll ask Mattsun and Makki about it later."

"SO!" Oikawa claps his hands together. "Vines, blah blah. I actually made a few of them. Which is fine, because unless I go do something stupid then it's just funny, right? Well, bold of you to assume that I wouldn't go do something stupid."

[ another video plays. in this one, Oikawa is standing in front of a bathroom mirror. "HI, welcome to Chili's!" ]

"This one isn't that out there, to be honest, but as you've now noticed, I am in the bathroom. Being in the bathroom usually isn't a noteworthy thing, but Drunk Oikawa made it a noteworthy thing."

[ A picture of a bathroom stall with the words, "hot & single male looking 4 a good fuck. my name is oikawa, but you can call me tonite ;) xxx-xxx-xxxx," messily scrawled onto it in some kind of permanent marker is shown. The numbers are blurred out ]

When the screen is back to Oikawa, he is making a face somewhere in between crying and pain, with his hands once again clasped and under his chin.

"Yes, that is my real phone number written on the bathroom stall of the shittiest club in all of Tokyo." Oikawa's voice breaks into giggles at the end and he covers his face.

He seems to suddenly realize something and Oikawa looks up with a scared look on his face. "If you find that, _please, please, please,_ don't blow my phone up. "

"So, as you can imagine, I got plenty of interesting messages. In fact, lets read some!"

[ 'wanna do it behind a dumpster ?' ] 

"Uh, tempting, but no. Now, if you had said in the dumpster-" He laughs again. "-now that would be a different story."

[ 'r you some sad 50 year old virgin' ] 

"I… I will let you decide that by yourself!"

The video continued with variations of those two messages, although there were some weirder ones—   
"Oh! Here are two that match perfectly."

[ 'send me foot pics <3' ] & [ 'can i suck your toes???? pls :((' ]

"Honestly, why come to me? You two should get with each other. I don't know, suck each other's toes. It's a perfect love story!!"

At the very end, one message seemed to catch Oikawa's eye.  
"Oh my god, this one is so long??"

[ 'what the fuck possessed you to write your number on a bathroom stall door. IN THE BATHROOM OF THE LOWEST RATED CLUB IN ALL OF TOKYO. are you just dumb or like mentally deranged or what. i'm sure you're 'hot and single', and that's why you have to look for a 'good fuck' ON A DIRTY MENS BATHROOM STALL DOOR. honestly disappointed in you, dumbass shittykawa.' ]

"Damn… why do I feel like I'm being scolded by my mom? He's already calling me names and we haven't even met each other yet! You know what? I'll respond to him."  
[ 'you're not my mom, random stranger who was Also at the Lowest Rated Club In All Of Tokyo' ]

A ding is heard in the background and Oikawa snaps his head toward the sound. 

"That's my hot pockets!! Looks like I'll have to end this video here. Please give this video a like if you liked it and comment down below your thoughts on this video. Subscribe for more, bye!"

* * *

**1,376 Comments**

**Matsuhana ✓** 2 days ago  
your dumbass called mattsun at 2 am to pick you up. you threw up four times. four. the next time i see you it will be to pick up emotional damage payments. -hanamaki  


**Oikawa Tooru ✓** 2 days ago

wtf i don't even remember eating anything

⏷ **View 45 replies**

**oikawa's spoon** 2 days ago  
oh my god but the way the last guy was scolding oikawa and then he even responded back… do i smell a ROMANCE?

 **matsuhana's lovechild** 2 days ago

YESS this isn't some manga but 👁 i am THINKING  
  
⏷ **View 4 more replies**

  
**egg** 17 hours ago  
hey oikawa… haha it'd be funny if you updated us on if the last guy replied or not </33

* * *

**  
** **xxx** **-xxxx-xxxx**

what the fuck possessed you to write your number on a bathroom stall door. IN THE BATHROOM OF THE LOWEST RATED CLUB IN ALL OF TOKYO. are you just dumb or like mentally deranged or what. i'm sure you're 'hot and single', and that's why you have to look for a 'good fuck' ON A DIRTY MENS BATHROOM STALL DOOR. honestly disappointed in you, dumbass shittykawa.

you're not my mom, random stranger that was Also In The Lowest Rated Club In All Of  
also that's mean :(( what's your name so i can also call you mean names too?

  
[ And somewhere from across Tokyo, Iwaizumi Hajime considers his options. He could definitely make up a name and lie to this random stranger, but why not? What could happen? ]

**iwa-chan !!**

. iwaizumi

so iwa-chan!

oh my god don't call me that 

...do you believe in aliens?

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> hii this is my first haikyuu fic and i'm oh so very slow at updating and writing in general but yeah ;; pls give me feedback in the comments <33


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